Ridiculous Embarrassing Moments

  • What is something embarrassing from life that keeps you up at night.

    Like, the more hilarious and nonsensical, the better.

    When I was 20, I had gone back to a call center I'd previously worked at (got laid off from another job). So I had to sit with people to get re-trained/back up to speed.

    One morning, riding the elevator up to our floor, one of my buddies from when I had worked there previous asked who I was sitting with that day for training. In my half-asleep pre-coffee stupor I said "Ryan Seacrest" and not "Ryan <hisactuallastname>"

    .......to this day, I lie awake at night in existential horror at least once a month over this.

  • Pitcrew

    When I was seven years old I was in my first swim meet. It was at summer camp and I was so excited because I was a GREAT swimmer. They lined us up on the edge and I was the furthest from the referee and he was an old man with a very soft voice and there were several matches going on at the same time. I saw him raise the whistle but not blow into it and say something, but the only part i caught was "jump into the water."

    So I jumped!

    And about halfway up into the air I realized no one else was jumping and that he'd just been explaining 'when I blow this whistle, jump into the water.' The splash was so loud when I hit the water. EVERYONE turned to look at me as I stood there (it was the shallow pool) with my arms hovering just above the water totally uncertain as to what I should do. Do I get out? Do I just wait? The guy gave me such a look then blew his whistle and everyone else jumped in. I gave everyone a head start but still won. Except the woman timing me couldn't figure out how to stop the stop watch, so we all had to do it over.

    I waited for the whistle blow the second time and ended up with a gold medal! But that feeling of dread and then everyone turning to look at me STILL makes me cringe.

  • Pitcrew

    I'm... I don't know, probably eleven. It's summer vacation and we're at Big Surf, the (nearest) local water park. Entire geological eras have passed in the time I've been waiting in line to go down the big corkscrew slide. I still remember the dinosaurs, but not how they sounded.

    But it's my turn, finally. I'm sitting on the little platform you launch yourself from, and I'm doing a thing I saw the big kids doing, where you grip the sides of the platform with your hands and slide your body back and forth. I don't know why they do it, but it reminds me of lining up a pool cue, so I think maybe it's to make you go faster down the slide or something. That sounds scary and fun, so I mimic it.

    I mimic it too enthusiastically. I shoot myself down the wet, slippery, plastic canal at least two seconds sooner than I should have, and the lifeguard squawks an indignant, "Hey!" Mortified, I piston my arms out to the sides to catch the sides of the slide and I do, arresting my motion immediately. Wanting to make my mistake right, I plant my heels against the sides of the slide and start chimney-rock climbing my way back up it. The lifeguard, exasperated, yells, "Don't climb back up, just go!"

    The speed and the spiral are no longer fun. The water does not cool my scorching cheeks. I spend the entire slide down thinking, "Please don't let the lifeguard at the bottom yell at me."

    I could have saved that prayer.

    But I'm eleven (or however young I actually was), so I bounce back. I don't ride the corkscrew slide again, though.

  • I'm 13.

    It's the junior high talent show.

    My friend wants to dance to Weird Al's Attack of the Radioactive Hamsters From a Planet Near Mars.

    I agree.

    Then his mother fits me for a hamster costume.

    The rest is only partially successfully blocked from my memory.

  • @TheOnceler <empathy fistbump>

    Until this moment, I had almost forgotten about the fourth grade talent show, the Morris the Cat costume, and the lipsync number to 'If my friends could see me now' that my mother squealed madly about 'how adorable!!!' it was.

    Now, in my head, adult me confronts the child psychologist who asked, 'Why do you think your parents didn't do enough to prevent you from being bullied in school?' with a slideshow, starting off with: "Exhibit one, your honor, this furry neon orange cat-eared potato sack and matching tights."

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